It has been 5 months since I was well. On July 31st I had a horrible reaction to Febreze that shut down my lungs. One day I was fine then the next and every one since – I have not.
I have been diagnosed with severe asthma. There is nothing anyone can do to make it better. It is hard to breathe all the time, some days are better, most are not. I am on multiple medications that I have to remember to take in specific ways at specific times. All new experiences and made harder by how tired I am and how sick the medications make me.
I have become the person who avoids other people. Me. I loved seeing, talking and spending time with people. I loved serving in any way I could. Now serving others is so hard, most days I can barely take care of myself much less my family.
In our church food is a way to fix anything. Had a baby? We will help by providing food, Someone in the family sick? We will help by providing food. While this can be very helpful for some, because of our food allergies it is not an option at our house. In fact because I am the one who cooks the food dropping off even fruit and veggies can go wrong as I am not well enough to prepare them. It is sad but true.
I have been struggling with being isolated by this illness, but due to how reactive my lungs are to just about everything being around people (in person) isn’t in the cards right now. I am trying to get better so that means that I am ‘that’ girl and need to avoid others.
I hate it. I hate all of it. I hate not having the energy to do even the simplest things. I hate being exhausted because it is so hard to breathe in and out all day long. I miss the life I used to have.
I know there are those who don’t know what to do. Would you like to help? Please call or send a note in the mail. Once I am back to work I won’t have the energy or time to check emails or facebook, hence the reason for notes/snail mail.
I am writing this because many of you probably don’t even know I have been ill and many more of you don’t know what you can do to help. Beyond calls and sending notes please continue to pray. God knows what I need, I hope I eventually figure it out too!
Thanks and love, Nanci